


I Promise

by maxiemoo01



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ableism, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Autistic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Has ADHD, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Has OCD, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders has Intrusive Thoughts, Foster Care, Growing Up, Happy Stimming, Kid Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Kid Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Kid Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Kid Deceit | Janus Sanders, M/M, Married Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Neurodiversity, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, REPTILES, Stimming, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, bearded dragons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27154760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxiemoo01/pseuds/maxiemoo01
Summary: Roman and Remus pulled their hands away from each other, just watching each other silently before Remus brought his hand up."Okay?"He finger spelled, Roman and Remus knew some basic sign language, they used it to communicate when they didn't want anyone to hear them."Scared.""Me too.""Do you think we're safe?""Don't know."
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 44
Kudos: 163





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know what you're saying "max starting something else??" Yes I am. 
> 
> This is the first chapter of this new story, starting novememebr first I will be updating this everyday as part of NANOWRIMO so yeah I'm excited to do this!! By the end of November this story should have/be over 50,000 words! I cant wait to share this little story with you all!

Logan and Patton hadn't expected to get a call about housing a kid so soon after getting approved to be foster parents, they especially hadn't expected the call to be for a set of  _ twins _ .

"It's… They're a special case." The social worker said, she had introduced herself as Ashley at the beginning of the call. "They refuse to be separated, which I don't blame them, but it's a little hard to house a ten year old, let alone two." She gave a small sigh. "They've been sent back from a couple homes, they say they can't take care of them properly, but you and Logan seem so patient I'm … I'm hoping you two will be able to."

"Of course, our home is open and that's always been the plan." Patton said, absently tapping his fingers on the table that the phone was laid on, Logan sitting across from him. 

"These two really are a handful guys. Remus, he has OCD, really bad intrusive thoughts, as well as almost no impulse control, they're working on getting him a bi-polar diagnosis. Then there's Roman, he's got ADHD, he's on medication for it which requires some more special care to make sure he takes it at the same time every morning, he requires a fair amount of attention especially when it comes to his school work." Logan nods his head at her words. 

"We can manage that Ashley, I assure you they will be safe in our care." Logan says, and Ashley lets out a small sigh. 

"I do hope so, we're getting dangerously close to having to split them." Patton flinched and Logan reached forward to take his hand. 

"We will give it our best." Logan says softly, though it seemed it was more pointed at Patton than anyone else. 

"Well I'll be bringing them over tomorrow, that is if you two are still open to it?"

"Of course!" Patton says quickly, and Logan nods next to him. 

"Alright, I'll be there around three tomorrow with the boys. See you guys tomorrow." She says before hanging up the call. Logan gives Patton a look, before moving closer to him and giving him a small kiss to his cheek. 

"Well I guess we better get the bedroom in order."

***

Roman gripped Remus' hand tightly in the backseat of the social workers car. They were on their way to their new home, and Roman was terrified, he looked over at Remus, who was clenching and unclenching his other hand into fists, Roman counted with Remus, he did it a total of 38 times before stopping. Roman knew the number 38, the same number of books on their bookshelf at their parents home. 

Remus had obsessed over that number, almost everything was done in that number. 

Roman knew that it helped Remus to count, or to do things over and over, but it always seemed like the adults in their life didn't understand. 

Roman watched as Remus went to tapping a rhythm on his leg instead. One two, one two, one, one, one two, one two, one, one. He did each 38 times again, and then they were pulling into the driveway and Remus stopped, he pulled his hand away from Roman and clenched his hands into fists. 

Roman followed him, they had both learned it was better to keep their hands still when they met new people, and to keep them still in front of them for as long as possible. 

One set of foster parents had called it "quiet hands" and made a game out of it, they would make Remus and Roman do it for days, until one of them broke, whoever broke got more chores, and the one who kept going got to use their hands for a full ten minutes, but then the game started again. 

So Remus and Roman continued the game themselves, to make sure the adults didn't want to send them away right away.

"Ready kids?" Ashley asked as she put the car in park. Roman silently nodded, his voice was caught in his throat and he didn't know what to say as they climbed out of the car, his hands clenched tightly beside his legs, standing as close to Remus as possible. 

Ashley grabbed their suitcases while the two of them pulled their backpacks over their shoulders, Roman resisted the urge to flap his hands as they walked up the steps and Ashley rang the doorbell, he could tell Remus was also having a hard time with their game. 

One more chance, they had told them, this was the last chance they had or they would be separated, so they were both nervous enough to want to shake their hands and tap, to flap and hit, but they couldn't, if they did too soon it would all be over. 

A man opened the door, he was wearing a blue tie and glasses, Roman thought the blue was a pretty color as the man gave them a curt nod. "Greetings. You must be Ashley, and this must be Roman and Remus." He said, he held his hand out to Remus first, Remus clenched his hand tight before he reached up and gently shook the man's hand. 

"I'm Remus." He said, and Roman watched the pain in his face as he pulled his hand away and didn't get to shake it as many times as he liked, Roman saw he managed to get three though, which was another safe number for Remus. 

"I'm Roman." Roman said when the man offered him his hand, Roman shook it exactly three times, knowing that Remus was counting, before pulling his hand away and resisting the urge to shake. 

"Nice to meet you both, I'm Logan." The man, who Roman now knew as Logan, said. "Why don't you three come on in, my husband is waiting for you all, he made cookies." Two words there had Roman perking up, first of all was Logan saying husband, Roman and Remus had never been in the care of a gay couple before, and the second was cookies, because while he tried his best to be mature, he was still a child. 

Roman spared a glance to Remus who was gripping the edge of his shirt as they walked through the door and headed to the dining room, Roman silently reached over and took Remus' hand, squeezing it tightly as they entered the room to find a man in a blue shirt, a gray sweater tied around his shoulders. "Hi there kiddos!" He said cheerily, walking over to them and kneeling to their height. "I'm Patton." He said, holding both hands out to them. 

"Roman."

"Remus." The twins said, both taking a hand while keeping their hands laced between them. 

"Well it is very nice to meet you two. Are you hungry? I have cookies and I can make you guys some sandwiches." Roman and Remus shared a glance, a silent conversation happening between them before Remus nodded. 

"Some sandwiches for us both would be nice sir." Patton waved his hand at them before leading them to the table and having them take their backpacks off and sit down. 

"No need to call me sir, just Patton is fine! Or you can call me Pat, or Patty cake, anything you want!" Roman and Remus shared a worried look but nodded as Patton walked away from them into the kitchen that was close by. 

Roman and Remus pulled their hands away from each other, just watching each other silently before Remus brought his hand up.  _ "Okay?"  _ He finger spelled, Roman and Remus knew some basic sign language, they used it to communicate when they didn't want anyone to hear them. 

_ "Scared." _

_ "Me too." _

_ "Do you think we're safe?" _

_ "Don't know." _

Logan and Ashley walked into the room right as Remus signed, Logan looked between them before lifting his hands.  _ "Do you two need something?"  _ It took Roman a second to figure out what Logan had said but he flushed in embarrassment, looking down at the table and shaking his head as Remus grabbed his hand tightly. 

They wouldn't even be able to sign to be safe here, they'd know what they were saying. 

Patton returned, holding two plates, he sat one in front of both kids, it had a simple ham sandwich on it and two cookies each.

Roman quickly passed one of his cookies onto Remus' plate to make it three, causing the younger twin to relax just slightly, before Patton returned with some water for them both. "Oh if you wanted more than two you couldve asked! Roman would you like another cookie?" Roman quickly shook his head and looked down at his plate, pretending not to listen as the adults began to talk about them. 

Roman focused most of his energy into not shaking his hands as he finished his sandwich and cookie, as Remus began to eat his. Roman gripped the hem of his shirt tightly, and was brought out of his thoughts by Logan's voice. "You two probably would like some time alone, why don't I show you to your room?" Remus nodded. 

"That'd be nice." He said, Roman bit at his lip and pulled at the skin on it but nodded, standing up with Remus as Logan led them to their room. 

Roman stared at the room, hand holding Remus' tightly. The room was bigger than any room the two of them had shared before, there were two beds on opposite sides of the room with plain grey sheets on them, a side table beside each one, Roman looked at at Remus and followed his eyes to the bookshelf in the room. "I'll leave you two to get settled okay?" Logan said, before walking out, shutting the door behind him. 

Remus let go of Roman's hand, shaking them slightly now that the adults were out of sight, and then quickly walked over to the bookshelf, continuing to count for a moment longer before he pulled two books off the shelf, putting one on each desk in the room. 

"Better?" Roman asked, and Remus nodded. 

"38." He said softly, before looking back at the beds, each of their bags were sat on one of the beds, Remus' on the left side of the room and Roman's on the right. 

Roman walked over, sitting on the bed and pulling his backpack into his lap, holding it close to his chest. 

Remus mirrored him, facing him from the other side of the room. "I lost." He said softly, which caused Roman to raise an eyebrow. 

"Doesn't count. There weren't any adults around." Remus smiled softly at Roman. 

"You're just saying that to make me feel better." He chuckled, sitting his bag aside and beginning to pick at his nails, looking down at the ground. "How long until they send us away you bet?" Remus asked, looking up at Roman after he stayed silent for a while. 

"I hope they don't." Roman said, frowning slightly. "I… I don't wanna leave you." He said softly. "I… Remus I'm scared." Remus stood, crossing the room and sitting next to Roman, pushing the bag out of his lap and grabbing his hands. 

"We're gonna be okay." Remus said, and Roman looked up at him. "I'm gonna be better, I'm gonna hide everything until we can go home." 

"You shouldn't have to hide though!" Roman said, pushing away from Remus, back hitting the headboard. "Adults are dumb! You shouldn't have to hide who you are from them…" Roman wrapped his arms around himself. "I'm sorry Remus, I just want you to be happy…"

"I'll be happy, you've heard what they say, I'm just pretending. I'll just have to… Pretend to not pretend! And then I'll be happy and everything will be okay!" Remus smiled at Roman, holding his arms out for him. Roman hesitated but eventually he hugged Remus tightly.

Roman stayed in Remus' arms for a while until there was a soft knock at the door. Both of the twins looked over at the door, waiting on it to open, but it didn't, and after another moment there was another knock. "Can I come in kiddos?" Came Patton's voice. 

Roman glanced at Remus and nodded. "Yes." Remus answered for them. Roman scooted closer to Remus as the door opened and Patton stepped barely into the room. 

"Hey there kiddos, are you settling in okay?" Roman nodded, giving Remus a small squeeze. "Good! I know your bed sheets are pretty plain and boring right now, but we can go shopping for some better ones tomorrow okay?" Patton smiled at them. "Well I just wanted to check on you two okay? If you guys need anything let me or Logan know, dinner will be in a few hours but feel free to occupy yourselves until then! You guys can explore the house all you want. I'll leave you kiddos to your own devices now." Patton said, before waving softly at the two boys and walking out of the room. 

Roman shared a look with Remus. "No ones… Ever asked if they can come in our room before." He said softly, Remus nodded at him. 

"Yeah… Do you think it's because Ashley's here? Is she still here?" Remus asked, pulling away from Roman and cracking his knuckles. 

"I dunno…" Roman mumbled, biting his lip. "I guess we'll see soon?" He said, holding his hands out for Remus. 

Remus stopped cracking his knuckles and grabbed Roman's hands, squeezing them tightly. "We'll be okay. I'm gonna make sure of it Roman. I promise."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman was a little confused by this, sure he could take care of himself, he and Remus did it a lot before they were thrust into the system, but he had never had a family actually want him to fix his own plate, they always tried to control how much he and Remus ate so he didn't understand that, not quite. 
> 
> It felt like a test, and Roman did _not_ like tests. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nanowrimo has officially begun! Even though we are literally an hour away from the end of the day I exceeded my word goal by a few hundred so I'm very happy!
> 
> CW for this chapter would be mentions of ocd habits, suppressing stimming, and food!
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Roman and Remus spent the next few hours exploring the room, finding escape plans and places to hide should they need to, Remus figured out what caused him to panic and did his best to adjust them. (The closet doors being slightly off, the desks were set up differently, the sheets were  _ too  _ perfect.) While Roman made note of everywhere they could hide, everywhere they could hide food, everywhere they could escape (which was  _ not _ many but there was a window and they were on the ground floor) and everywhere he could sit without being uncomfortable or in sight when the door was open. 

They were sat on Roman's bed again, sitting across from each other as Remus picked at his nails and Roman rocked slightly, just sitting in silence together when there was a knock on the door, Roman jumped and stopped rocking and Remus quickly dropped his hands. "Yes?" He asked. 

Logan opened the door, but didn't step into the room, which confused the two boys. "Dinner will be ready soon, why don't you two come on out and wash your hands, I'll lead you to the bathroom." He said.

Roman and Remus shared a quick look and nodded, standing and following Logan out of the room and down the hall. 

"I'll leave you two to get washed up, just come to the dining room when you two are done okay?" Roman nodded as Logan left the room, leaving Roman and Remus alone again. 

Roman surveyed the room, took note of the layout and potential escapes, then moved to the sink with Remus. 

Remus washed his hands first, mumbling to himself as he did. He rubbed the back of his hands 8 times each, his palms together 8 times, between his fingers 8 times, and around his wrist 8 times each, then rinsed the soap off, repeating in the same numbers, then dried them before stepping aside for Roman. 

Roman tried to slightly follow what Remus had done for his comfort but didn't quite manage it, but he was okay with that, he tried and that's what matters, which Remus was thankful for. 

"How do you feel?" Roman asked, taking Remus' hands after he had dried his own. 

"I'm scared, I don't wanna mess this up for us Roman." He said, giving his hands a tight squeeze. 

"You aren't going to. I'm not gonna let them separate us." Roman gripped Remus' hands tightly. 

'No matter what. We'll always be together, right?" Remus asked, voice shaking slightly as tears started to slowly build in his eyes. 

"Of course! Brothers forever, the prince and the duke!" Roman exclaimed, letting go of Remus' hands in favor of striking a silly pose that made Remus laugh. 

"Okay okay." Remus said through his laughter. "Forever." Remus calmed down and took Roman's hand again. 

Together they left the bathroom, heading down the hall and to the dining room, where Patton was sitting a bowl of spaghetti on the table, and Logan a plate of bread. 

"Ah there you two are!" Patton grinned at the two of them, clapping his hands together gently. "Come sit down kiddos, we've got plenty to go around." The boys nodded and silently climbed into seats beside each other.

Roman sat with his hands in his lap, biting his lip and trying not to fidget in his seat, he just wanted to  _ move  _ and sitting still felt like it was hurting him, but he ignored that pain and sat still as possible. 

Patton and Logan sat across from the two boys. "Take however much you would like boys." Logan said, nodding his head to the bowl. 

Roman was a little confused by this, sure he could take care of himself, he and Remus did it a lot before they were thrust into the system, but he had never had a family actually want him to fix his own plate, they always tried to control how much he and Remus ate so he didn't understand that, not quite. 

It felt like a test, and Roman did _not_ like tests. 

He grabbed the tongs, getting the smallest amount possible without looking suspicious, and hoped that was the right answer. 

He watched as Remus did the same thing and watched the adults share a look before filling their own plates. 

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Patton spoke up. "So why don't you two tell us about yourselves? What are your interests and special interests? What's your favorite movie and snack and food?" 

Roman was thrown off guard by the question but he knew better than to go off about that. "Uhm, I don't know what a special interest is, but I really like disney? I just love the fairytales and the romance, the animation and art that goes into it, each story is so unique and-." Roman snapped his mouth shut as he started to ramble, he knew when to shut up. "Yeah I just like disney…" Roman mumbled, looking down at his plate silently. 

"Well Roman that is precisely what a special interest is." Logan said, adjusting his glasses. "A special interest is something that you really enjoy, you could talk about it for hours without stopping, you learn everything you can about that thing. It's also called a hyper fixation." Roman slowly nodded at his words. 

"Oh! Okay, so yeah, disney is my special interest!" Roman smiled, trying to keep himself from flapping his hands. "I thought it was weird that I liked disney so much…"

"Quite the opposite actually Roman, you have ADHD, it's a common symptom, there's nothing wrong or weird about it, tons of people have special interests." 

"I guess mine would be bugs then!" Remus piped up. "I like all kinds of bugs! Oh oh! And reptiles!" Roman noticed Remus was wiggling just slightly, but was keeping from flapping his hands. 

"Very interesting Remus." Patton said. "I don't really like bugs but how about when we go to get some decorations for your room tomorrow we go to the library as well. Roman you can find some books about disney, and Remus you can find some books about bugs." Remus' eyes lit up at that. 

"I would love that." He said, a smile appearing on his face. 

"Alright then it's settled, tomorrow we'll go get you both a library card and find some books." Logan said, a small smile on his face. 

Roman was incredibly excited for the next day to come around, hopefully it would be good, Roman just hoped that this home would stay good and kind. He didn't quite trust Logan and Patton yet, but they seemed nice enough. 

You can never be too safe though, Roman told himself, so he was gonna keep his walls up, even if Logan said it was okay for him to love disney and talk about it, even if Patton expressed he didn't like bugs but would look for books for Remus, Roman couldn't be sure that the two of them wouldn't turn on them once they got the two of them comfortable, it had happened before, and Roman wasn't gonna let it happen again. 

***

After dinner Patton and Logan showed the two ten year olds around the house, telling them where their bedroom was, the bathroom, and the linen closet, telling them all the while that they were allowed to do anything in the house, but Roman didn't buy it. 

After being shown around the husbands asked the boys to get ready for bed, so Roman was standing next to Remus, both brushing their teeth in their matching pajamas, Remus was bouncing on his toes as he did, and Roman was twirling his hair with his other hand. 

Roman glanced over at Remus and hoped that he was keeping his guard up just like Roman was, it would be really bad if Remus got comfortable and then crushed again, Roman wasn't sure he could pick up the pieces of Remus if that happened. 

They finished getting ready for bed and crawled into their separate beds, the ceiling of the room was littered with glow stars, giving the room a slight shine. 

Roman stared at the ceiling, he wasn't sure how long he laid there, trying to sleep but sleep was not coming, he wanted his brother, but he was too scared to admit it. But eventually there was a whisper. 

"Roman?" Remus asked. Roman rolled over on his side to face Remus. 

"Yeah?" He whispered back, sliding his hand under his pillow. 

"Can I come lay with you?" Remus mumbled, Roman almost didn't catch it but as soon as it registered in his head what he had asked he nodded in the dark. 

"Of course Re, you don't even have to ask." Roman scooted aside and patted the bed, Remus stood from his, coming and crawling into bed next to Roman. Roman wrapped his arms around his brother, holding his close, he could feel Remus relax at the firm touch, at the feeling of something familiar. 

"Goodnight Roman."

"Goodnight Remus."

***

Logan sighed as he climbed into his and Pattons shared bed, Patton was already in bed, but when Logan climbed in after getting ready for bed he adjusted himself to curl into Logan's side as Logan picked up his book. 

They sat together in silence for quite a while, Logan had actually begun to think that Patton had fallen asleep until he suddenly spoke. "Do you think they feel safe?"

Logan looked down at his husband, sitting his book aside and instead moving his hands to play with his curly blonde hair. "I believe, personally, that right now, no, they don't feel safe. But not because of anything we've done, they've clearly gone through some traumatic things and homes in their lives. So no, they don't feel safe, and it might be a while before they do, but all we can do is assure them we are safe people, and that they can be who they want here. It's really all we can do." Logan pressed a kiss to Pattons forehead. "Let's go to bed honey, we have a long day tomorrow." 

Patton nodded against Logan's chest, sliding his glasses off and sitting them on their nightstand, Logan followed him, clicking their lamp off and laying down properly, pulling Patton close to his chest. 

"It's going to be okay. They'll relax eventually, but we need to give them the time to understand we're safe, to understand we aren't like what they're used to. It's gonna take some work and time but I promise you Patton we will make sure they feel comfortable when they're ready to." Patton let out a small sigh. 

"You're right, I shouldn't be worrying about this just yet they haven't even been here a day." Patton snuggled up closer to Logan's chest. 

"It's okay Patton. This is a new experience for us, we have a right to be worried about things." Logan pressed a small kiss to the top of Patton's head. "But for now let's sleep okay?"

"Okay. Good night love."

"Good night honey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys wanna find me on twitter my twitter is @maxiemoo01 and my tumblr is @count-woelaf!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman glanced over at Remus and raised an eyebrow.
> 
> " _Okay?_ " He signed. 
> 
> " _Maybe._ " Remus signed back.
> 
> " _Scared?_ "
> 
> " _Worried._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day two! I have officially started a streak, now let's see if that continues!
> 
> Cw for this chapter: food and repressing stimming are all that I can think of!

The next morning Roman vaguely remembered being woken to take his adhd medication, but he quickly fell back asleep, he wasn't sure if Remus was still in his bed when he was woken up but when he actually woke up for the day about an hour later Remus was gone. 

Roman slowly sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and looking around the room, he found Remus by the closet, sitting on the floor. He had his school notebook out and was drawing in it with one hand, tapping out a rhythm with his other hand. 

Roman pulled the covers back and walked over to Remus, sitting in front of him. "Hey." He said, Remus jumped slightly and looked up at Roman. 

"Hi." He said, biting his lip, his tapping pausing for just a moment, then returning. 

"Whatcha drawing?" Roman asked, leaning forward to try and look at the drawing. Remus stopped drawing and turned the page so Roman could see. "Oooo." Roman said, looking at the drawing, it was of a skull, with flowers and bugs surrounding it. 

"I added the flowers for you." Remus mumbled. "You don't like my super creepy drawings."

"Hey I like them! They just scare me a little. You can do whatever you want to do with your art bro." Roman nudged Remus' arm slightly, smiling brightly. "Besides my art is more family friendly but that just means it'd be really cool if we made a piece of art together!" 

"Yeah I guess you're right." Remus said softly, rubbing his arm. "It would be cool to make a piece of art together." After a moment Remus lit up, and Roman could almost see the lightbulb over his head. "What if we asked if we could buy some paint and a canvas! Then me and you can make something to hang in our room, they said we were gonna get decorations right? That could be a decorations!" 

"Just decoration, decorations is plural." Roman corrected, but nodded. "That is true but I think we should be careful about asking for things. We don't know how these people are exactly just yet." Roman mumbled, looking down and picking at his pajama pants. 

"But they seem really nice Roman, they wanna take us to get books! Has anyone ever taken us to get books before? Everyone else has always pushed us aside and had us take care of ourselves, but these guys seem really really nice." Remus gave Roman a pleading look. "We can at least try asking?" 

Roman let out a small sigh, taking Remus' hand. "Okay, we can try asking, but I don't want you to get your hopes up. We really don't know them, they may seem nice but we don't know if they're gonna be nice forever Remus." Remus let out a sigh of his own and nodded. 

"Okay Ro." He said, beginning to tap his rhythm again. 

Roman sat across from Remus as he continued his drawing. He was mostly thinking to himself, they said they were buying things for them today, he wasn't sure how much he was allowed to spend or what he was allowed to get, but he was scared to ask, maybe they would just tell them, hopefully they would just tell them. 

Roman wasn't sure how long they sat together but there was a knock at their door after a while, Roman looked up at the door, waiting for it to open before he remembered that Logan and Patton always wanted _them_ to tell them they could come in. "Come in!" He called, putting his hands in his lap and holding them still. 

Patton pushed open the door, smiling at the two of them sitting on the floor. "Hey there kiddos, seems you're already up, can you two go get washed up and come eat breakfast?" Roman nodded, standing up and holding his hand out for Remus. Remus sat his notebook and pencil down and took Roman's hand, pulling himself up. 

"Awesome! Just come to the dining room when you two are done okay?" Patton said, waving at the two before walking back down the hall. 

Roman and Remus headed into the bathroom together, Roman let Remus wash his hands first again, it was important that Remus had consistency, so Roman washed his after Remus, just like last time. 

After the twins washed their hands they headed back down the hall and to the dining room, settling into seats beside each other again. 

"Good morning you two." Logan said, taking a sip out of a mug, Roman assumed it was coffee, most adults drank coffee. 

"Good morning." Remus mumbled, fiddling with his pajama pants. 

"Good morning!" Roman followed, flinching slightly at how loud he was when he said it. "Sorry…" He mumbled. 

"No need to apologize, I see you're a morning person aren't you?" Logan asked as Patton came in carrying two plates, sitting them both on the table. 

"Sure does sound like it!" Patton said enthusiastically. "It'll be nice to have someone else, this ones a little grumpy in the morning." Patton poked Logan in the cheek, and he just rolled his eyes behind his glasses. 

"I think I am yeah, I like the mornings." Roman said, before looking at the food in front of them, there were pancakes and bacon. Patton and Logan were looking at him and Remus expectantly, it took Roman just a moment to realize that they wanted him and Remus to make their own plates again. 

Roman grabbed two pancakes and three pieces of bacon, biting his lip as he took the syrup, he didn't put nearly as much as he would have if he were on his own, and silently hoped he hadn't used too much. 

Roman glanced over to see Remus with the same as him, and slowly reached under the table and squeezed his hand.

"Do you two want milk or juice?" Patton asked. "We have apple and orange juice." 

"Uh, apple juice please?" Remus said softly, biting his lip. 

"Me too, please." Roman added. Patton nodded at the two of them and headed into the kitchen, returning with two glasses and sitting them in front of the twins. 

Patton sat down and he and Logan got their food. The four of them ate in silence, it was obvious that Logan and Remus were still getting awake properly while Roman and Patton were just being quiet. 

After they were all done Patton gave the boys a smile. "Alright, why don't you two go get dressed and then we're gonna head into town to get you guys some things okay? Make sure to brush your teeth and if you need to shower feel free to, we aren't in any rush!" Roman and Remus nodded and headed back to their room. 

The two of them got dressed together, Remus shook his hands out a couple times before they went and brushed their teeth, then they headed into the living room, where Patton and Logan were waiting on them. 

"All ready?" Logan asked, adjusting his glasses. 

"Yep." Roman and Remus said at the same time, Remus let out a small laugh at it and nudged Roman slightly. 

"Jinx." He said.

"Hey no fair!" Roman exclaimed, but he was smiling and it was clear there was no ill intent in it. "You always beat me to saying jinx."

"Because you're too slow." Remus stuck his tongue out at Roman, then looked back to Logan and Patton, who were watching the two with a smile. 

"Well let's go then! We've got lots to do." Patton clapped his hands together then headed for the door, slipping his shoes on and grabbing the keys as he did. 

Roman, Remus, and Logan followed him, also getting their shoes on before they all headed out to the car and piled in. Roman and Remus sat on opposite sides of the car, buckling up as Patton started the car and began to drive. 

Roman glanced over at Remus and raised an eyebrow.

" _Okay?_ " He signed. 

" _Maybe._ " Remus signed back.

" _Scared?_ "

" _Worried._ " Roman nodded at Remus.

" _Okay. I love you._ "

" _I love you._ " 

***

The first place they went was the mall, Roman was a bit confused by this until Patton said they were gonna get the boys some more clothes. 

Roman and Remus mostly stuck together, Patton and Logan helped them find things they liked, and kept the two of them from looking at the price. 

While Patton paid Logan took them out of the store and to another store. "We're gonna find you two some more bedsheets, we thought you guys might like something more colorful." 

Logan helped the two look around, they both settled on simple ones, Roman's red and Remus' green, their favorite colors, and then Logan showed them some soft blankets and they both picked one out, Roman's was red plaid, and Remus' was green with lizards on it. 

Patton met them at the store and this time Patton took them out while Logan paid for it. 

"One more stop here then we'll go get some decorations!" Patton said, walking through the mall with the two boys. 

"Speaking of decorations um." Remus spoke up, squeezing Roman's hand. "Me and Roman were wondering if maybe uh, we could get some paint? And a canvas? So we could make some art to put on the walls…" Remus finished quietly. 

"That sounds like a great idea! Why don't we get a pack of canvases, that way you guys can have one to do now and you can do more later if you'd like, we'll go to the craft store after we pick out some decorations and we can get paint and canvases, sound good?"

"Yeah!" Remus exclaimed, bouncing on his heels. 

"Great! Now our last stop." Patton said. They walked into a shoe store and Roman looked around, there were so many shoes. "I want you two to look around and find anything you like, then we'll try and find your size in it okay?" Roman and Remus slowly nodded, glancing at Patton for a moment before they moved to the kids section and started looking around. 

They didn't look for long until they both came across a pair of boots, Roman's were simple, no lace black leather boots that went halfway up the calves, and Remus found a pair of ankle boots with rainbow laces. Patton smiled at their choices and helped them find their sizes in the boots.

Roman was incredibly excited for them, he absolutely loved them and couldn't wait to get to wear them already. 

Remus was bouncing slightly as they left the store with Logan and headed to the car, Roman was a little worried Remus might start getting too excited but he was happy that Remus was happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way if theres anything that I need to add a content warning for please let me know!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They said we're having a talk." Roman whispered. 
> 
> "What's that mean?" Remus asked, voice quiet. 
> 
> "I dunno…" Roman mumbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day three!!! We're doing well!! 
> 
> Cw for this chapter include: food, descriptions of panic attacks, stimming, suppressing stimming, intrusive thoughts, and very slight sexual content in those intrusive thoughts

The rest of the trip went by smoothly, they got a five pack of canvases and an array of paint (Roman was shocked at how many different colors and shades Patton picked out for them) as well as some brushes. Then they went to a home goods store, Roman was unsure about picking out items, Remus was as well but not quite as much as Roman, who silently looked around and tried not to shake his hands when he touched anything with an odd texture. 

They left the store with a few things, some posters and a mirror, two lamps for their bedside tables, and Remus had found a few knick knacks that he liked and was planning to put on their bookshelf. 

Overall the day had been going well and they made it home by lunch. 

Logan and Patton helped the boys carry their bags to their bedroom to put away later. "You two go get washed up for me and I'll make you guys some lunch." Patton said, ushering the boys towards the bathroom. 

So they washed their hands and headed down the hall to the dining room where they sat down to eat the sandwiches Patton had made them. 

They ate in silence and Roman could hear dishes being washed in the kitchen where Patton had moved to, and some sort of show playing on the tv in the living room where Logan was. 

Once they finished Roman took Remus' plate, sticking his tongue out to him before heading into the kitchen and sitting them by the sink with the rest of the dirty dishes. 

"Hey there kiddo, thanks." Patton said, grabbing a towel and wiping his hands off. 

"Uh, you're welcome." Roman said, shuffling his feet. "I have a question, if you don't mind me asking?" Roman mumbled. 

Patton gave him a soft smile. "Of course Roman, you can ask about or for anything you need okay?" Roman wasn't sure if he believed that or not but he was gonna take Patton's word for it at this very second. 

"Where's our chore list? Everyone's had one and I tried to find it myself but you guys didn't show us when you showed us around the house so I dunno where it is." Pattons eyes widened and he took a small step back, Roman was scared he had done something wrong and quickly raised his hands and shook them. "No no, sorry I asked it's okay I'll find it myself." He said quickly. 

"Oh no, no sweetie." Patton said, stepping closer to Roman and kneeling in front of him. "Is Remus still at the table?" Roman nodded. "Alright, then I'm gonna go get Logan and we're all gonna have a chat yeah?" Roman nodded again. "Alright, go sit with your brother and we'll be there in a minute." Patton said, gently patting Roman's shoulder before heading into the living room. 

Roman headed back to the table, sitting next to his brother and taking his hand. "They said we're having a talk." Roman whispered. 

"What's that mean?" Remus asked, voice quiet. 

"I dunno…" Roman mumbled, looking up as he heard the two men come into the room. 

"Alright kiddos." Patton said as he sat down, adjusting his circle rimmed glasses. "So we're gonna go over some rules and stuff okay?" The twins nodded and Roman squeezed Remus' hand under the table. "Great! First of all, we don't expect you guys to do any chores, we just ask you to keep your room clean, other than that just pick up after yourselves, don't worry about any mess me or Logan make okay?" Roman frowned slightly at this but nodded. 

"That isn't to say you can't clean, if it's something you like to do or if it helps you with anxiety please feel free to, just know we aren't going to make you, and we would prefer you stayed away from doing anything dangerous." Logan added, taking Patton's hand and resting it on the table. "We don't have many rules for you two. We would like it if you were in your bedrooms by 9, and lights off at least trying to sleep by 10. If you need us at any point in the night please feel free to wake us, we will never mind being woken."

"Second rule, if you guys have any trouble with homework please ask us for help, I'd rather help you than let you have problems in school. If we can't help you then we'll look into getting you a tutor." Patton squeezed Logan's hand and Roman's eyes fell down to them. "You both are welcome to any food in the house, just let us know if you use the last of anything so we know to get more."

"We mostly just ask that you guys communicate with us, if you need anything tell us, if you want anything, tell us. We will always be here for you two, as long as you are in this home you're family." Logan adjusted his glasses. "Any questions?"

Roman and Remus shook their heads, Roman let go of Remus' hand to start rubbing it on his jeans. 

"Great! Now how about we all go and watch a movie together?" Patton suggested. Remus immediately nodded enthusiastically, Roman was a little unsure but he wasn't going to leave Remus alone, so he agreed as well. 

  
  


***

  
  


The four of them settled on the couch, Roman and Remus on one end and Patton and Logan on the other. 

Remus wrung his hands together as frozen started to play, Remus had let Roman pick, and stared at the screen. 

He barely focused on the movie though, his mind running at a million miles a minute, he tried to push the thoughts away, they weren't nice and he didn't like them, but they just kept getting worse. 

_ Ha balls. _

_ Hans sucks dick! _

_ Shes a fucking idiot, that's what you're like. _

_ Oh he definitely fucks the reindeer. _

Before Remus could realize it he was cracking his knuckles, fingers rocking back and forth while connected, he didn't realize it until he stopped cracking them and began to shake his hands, but as soon as he shook his hands it was too late. 

_ Ha! Time to get your ass beat weirdo.  _

_ Maybe if you offer to lick the floor clean they wont hurt you.  _

_ Or maybe they'll gut you and feed you to animals! Ooo that would be fun! _

Remus was shaking, and he couldn't stop flapping his hands as he got more and more upset, he lost the game, he  _ lost  _ and now he was gonna get in trouble, and oh gosh he couldn't breathe, oh gosh why couldn't he just  _ breathe _ .

"Remus, Remus can you hear me?" Logan asked, moving closer to the twins. Roman quickly moved and blocked him from getting to Remus. 

"No!" He shouted, all Remus could think about was how much trouble they would be in and he couldn't  _ stop _ and tears were flowing down his cheeks and they were  _ gross gross gross, disgusting, tears and gunk and snot. _

"Roman, please move so we can assist Remus." Logan said calmly, Remus couldn't see them but he felt Roman moving closer to him. 

"No! I'm not gonna let you hurt him! He doesn't need to be fixed okay! He's fine the way he is, just let him flap!"

"Roman." Logan said, voice serious. "Remus is having what's called a panic attack, please move out of the way and let me help him. I have no intent to stop his stimming, nor do I have any intent on hurting him, okay Roman? I promise. I just need to talk to him." 

_ Hurt hurt hurt it hurts _

"Okay…" Roman said softly, tensing up slightly before moving aside. 

Logan moved closer to Remus, but kept his distance from him. 

"Remus, can you hear me? Just nod your head if you can't talk." Remus nodded his head frantically, his chest was heaving so much and  _ oh god he's gonna die he's gonna die isn't he? _ "It's okay Remus, just breathe. Follow me okay? In and out, okay?" Remus nodded again, doing his best to listen to Logans breathing and follow him. 

His hands were shaking so much and he kept shaking them until he calmed down, his hands shaking as he put them in his lap and between his legs. 

"Are you feeling a little better Remus?" Remus nodded again, mind reeling, now he was gonna get in trouble, for sure. "Good, would you like some water? And maybe a snack?" Remus slowly looked up at Logan, face confused, Logan was looking at him, expression soft and comforting, he didn't look mad at all. 

"You… Aren't mad?" Remus asked, voice scratchy. 

"Of course we aren't Remus." Logan held his hand out to Remus. "A panic attack isn't something you need to be ashamed of, nor is stimming."

"What's… Sti- uh, stim- stimming?" Remus asked.

"What you were doing with your hands is called stimming, more specifically self stimming. It's where you shake your hands, or crack your knuckles, or rub and pick at your pants and shirt, even playing with your hair a lot is stimming. You can do it all you like, as long as you aren't hurting yourself or someone else you can stim, and even if you end up hurting yourself we will find a way for you to stim that doesn't hurt you, they make all sorts of tools to help with stimming."

"They do?" Remus asked, pulling his hands out from in between his legs and sitting them on his lap. "Like what?"

"Well they make ones you can bite, ones you can squish, ones you can pick at and stretch, ones you can spin around, ones with buttons and switches, all sorts of things." Logan said, giving Remus a small smile. "And there's nothing wrong with using them, okay?"

Remus nodded, looking down at his lap. 

"That goes for you too Roman." Patton piped up. "You can stim all you like, we aren't going to be upset if you need to do something with your hands, and if you need some stimming tools to help you focus in school or while doing homework we can find you some okay?" Remus watched as Roman gave them an unsure look, but he eventually nodded. 

Remus wasn't super certain about this whole thing, but if it meant he didn't have to play the game anymore it would be super nice. 

Maybe this place was nicer than Roman thinks, maybe Remus could get comfortable


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus frowned slightly and stepped closer to him. "Hey, are you okay?" He asked. 
> 
> The boy looked up at him, showing a pair of hetero chromatic eyes, one a deep brown and the other bright green.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A day late even tho it was finished on) day 4! Day five will be out soon as I finish it later, super excited!!!
> 
> Only content warnings for this chapter I believe is food and stimming! Hope you enjoy!

They had dinner later that night, Roman was tense throughout while Remus seemed to be getting more comfortable around the adults, he didn't do everything he usually did but Roman noticed him tapping out his rhythm as he ate. 

"Alright kiddos, showers and off to bed okay? You guys head back to school tomorrow." Patton said, giving them a smile. 

The boys nodded and headed down the hall, Remus showered first, he felt gross from his panic attack and didn't like to shower after other people, once he was out and drying off in their bedroom Roman went in. 

He adjusted the water to be quite warm then just stood under it for a moment, letting the water warm him, eventually it felt like it was kind of burning but Roman ignored it and began to wash his hair, mumbling songs to himself as he did. 

He didn't take too long before climbing out and drying himself thoroughly, running a hand through his wet hair before getting into his pajamas. 

He brushed his teeth and shut the light off, heading into their bedroom, they had put away everything and gotten their beds made with their new sheets. 

Roman crawled into his own bed, glancing over at Remus who was curled up, and shut his lamp off. 

School. It wasn't Roman's favorite thing in the world, but it was a welcome distraction from being in a new home. 

***

The next morning was a bit of a blur for Remus, he wasn't a morning person and he vaguely remembered falling while trying to put his new boots on, but he liked his outfit for the day he had sleepily picked out. 

He was wearing a white shirt with the nasa logo on it that looked faded, his new black jeans (that he loved, how had he never worn black jeans before?) and a jean jacket. 

Remus sleepily made it through his first few classes and then he was finally awake, walking through the halls to his next class when a student's hand brushed his jacket. 

Remus almost missed it and kept walking but the other student had stopped and was mumbling to himself while he shook his hands. Remus frowned slightly and stepped closer to him. "Hey, are you okay?" He asked. 

The boy looked up at him, showing a pair of hetero chromatic eyes, one a deep brown and the other bright green.

The boy didn't stop mumbling and shaking his hands for another minute and then stopped himself, holding his hands close to his chest. "I'm sorry.", he said quickly. "I didn't mean to scare you, but I forgot my gloves this morning and the textures are really bad and I just, have to shake my hands."

"It's okay!" Remus said quickly. "I flap my hands too! Mines for different reasons though, I think, but it's okay! I'm sorry my jacket made you do that." Remus frowned slightly. "Are you okay?"

"Oh I-I'm fine, at least, I will be. My names Janus." The boy, Janus, said. 

"Remus!" Remus said, holding his hand out, Janus gently shook it, avoiding Remus' jacket. "You seem really cool! I like your eyes." 

"Oh! Thanks, most people make fun of them…"

"Nah! They're super cool!" Janus smiled, looking down at the ground. 

"Would you maybe, want to eat lunch with me and my friend Leah?" Janus asked, and he was so quiet Remus almost didn't hear him over the rest of the students in the halls. 

"As long as I can bring my brother sure! Don't worry, he's super nice and cool too."

"Okay, yeah, he can come too." Janus looked up, his eyes focused on Remus' lips. "I'll uh… I'll see you then!" Janus said, quickly rushing off after that. 

Remus smiled after him, He seemed super cool, and Remus was really excited for lunch so he could meet Janus' friend.

***

Remus walked into the lunch room with Roman tailing behind him, he looked around for a bit until he finally spotted Janus and smiled as he pulled Roman over to the table Janus was sitting at. 

Across from Janus was a girl, she was wearing a black pullover hoodie, a pair of big headphones over her ears, nodding her head to whatever music was playing as she drew in a sketchbook on the table, basically ignoring the sandwich that was beside her. 

"Hi Janus! This is my brother Roman." Remus said, gesturing to Roman. 

"Nice to meet you Roman." Janus said, he kicked the girl under the table, which Remus found very funny, and she jumped, pulling her headphones off and looking up at the others, she had black eyeliner around her eyes, mostly underneath her eyes, and she brushed her long brown hair out of her face. 

"Hi." She said, shrugging. 

"This is Leah." Janus said, shaking out his hands for just a moment. "Leah this is Remus and Roman."

"Twins. Nice." She said, grabbing her soda can and taking a sip of it. "Nice to meet you or, whatever." She said, waving her hand. 

Remus smiled and Roman frowned slightly, Remus wasn't sure why but he shrugged it off and sat next to Janus, leaving Roman to sit next to Leah. 

"That was quite rude." Roman said, sitting his bagged lunch on the table. 

"I'm just not a people person okay? Janus just doubled our friend group, sorry princey." Roman put a hand on his chest and made a noise. 

"Why thank you, I do think of myself highly."

"That was an insult." Roman let out a gasp. "What, princes are generally assholes."

"Leah!" Janus whispered, voice harsh. 

"What, it's true." Leah shrugged. 

"Yeah but you used a bad word! Mom says that'll get us in trouble." Janus said, frowning slightly. "I don't want you to get in trouble."

"I'll only get in trouble if someone hears dingus." Leah smirked. "I can say whatever I want and as long as no adults hear, or tattletales, I'll be fine."

"Yeah!" Remus agreed, smiling. "I can say whatever I want if I'm careful."

"You, I like you." Leah said, pointing at Remus. "Jurys still out on this one." She pointed at Roman, smirking as she did. "We'll know in three to five business days."

Janus let out a chuckle at that. Their lunch went similarly, Leah making jokes or saying bad words while Remus agreed with her Janus and Roman didn't, but laughed anyway. 

Remus was super excited about his new group of friends, he had never really had any friends before but he really liked Leah and Janus, they were super fun to be around, and they liked him! That was a huge win in his book.

***

When they arrived home Remus was practically vibrating with excitement, Patton, who was in the living room as the boys stepped in, smiled at the two.

"Well looks like you two had a good day! What's got you so excited Remus?" Patton asked, patting the couch beside him. 

Remus bounded over, sitting next to Patton and grinning widely. "Me and Roman made some friends today!" Remus said excitedly. "Their names are Janus and Leah, and Janus has really cool eyes! One is brown and one is green, he said it's called het-er-o-chro-mi-a." 

"That's very interesting Remus, I'm glad you've made some friends!" Patton said happily. "Did you have fun with them?"

"Yeah! Leah's super cool and she likes a lot of the same things I do!" Remus bounced slightly in his seat. "And Janus is really cool, he's smart, and he also flaps his hands Pat!"

"Oh that's really nice Remus." Patton patted his leg. "Why don't you come tell me all about them while I cook dinner. You can help?" Remus nodded enthusiastically. 

"Okay!" He hopped up quickly and followed Patton into the kitchen, excitedly babbling about his two new friends. 

***

Roman sat his school bag on his bed, letting out a sigh as he flopped down onto it. He bit his lip, staring at the ceiling. 

Janus and Leah seemed nice enough, but Roman definitely wasn't sure if he trusted them yet. 

He knew he had a hard time trusting people, he always thought Remus just trusted too quickly, but he was starting to think maybe it was a him problem, not a Remus problem. 

He didn't want to be this way, but he felt like he had to, he couldn't trust too easily or he would be hurt, or worse, Remus would be hurt, and Roman didn't want that, he didn't want Remus to be hurt, ever, it happened so often and Roman just wanted it to stop. 

Roman just wanted his brother to be happy, that's all, but it seemed like everyone in their life was out to get them instead.

***

The next day the four kids ended up at lunch together again.

"I'm just saying Disney has darker themes than you realize."

"No it doesn't!" Roman crossed his arms, pouting. "Animation and fairytales are supposed to be sunshine and rainbows! They aren't made to be dark like you're suggesting."

"I'm just saying the lack of consent with sleeping women is gross!" Leah crossed her arms as well, staring Roman down. "I'm not saying they're bad movies but you know that they aren't as nice as they seem! Really, there's good qualities but like, kissing someone you think is dead?"

"It was a farewell kiss!" Roman pouted. "How can you look down as such good movies?"

"I'm not looking down on them, like I said they're good movies! They just are darker than you think."

"I can get behind this." Remus finally piped up, wrapping up his trash and putting it in his bag. "Some things in those movies haven't always made sense."

"Yeah, like, how come prince charming couldn't recognize the face of a lady he danced with for hours?" Janus added, pushing his food around. "Its just dumb."

"What's with all the prince hate?" Roman asked, uncrossing his arms. 

"Huh I wonder why." Leah said, glancing at Roman. "Really though like surely more than just Cinderella had that shoe size in that town."

"It was a magic slipper! It only fit her!"

"Just keep talking Princey doesn't make shit right."

"Leah!" Janus admonished. 

"Yeha yeah bad words I know." Leah shrugged. "Listen, all I'm asking is that you look for the deeper darker meanings next time you watch a Disney movie Roman." Roman let out a sigh. 

"Okay okay fine. I'm clearly outnumbered here. I'll try to think more dark and edgy next time I watch a movie." Leah smiled brightly and nudged Roman. 

"Good. Trust me you wont regret it."

**Author's Note:**

> In this story I'm pulling from my own experiences with panic attacks, bipolar disorder, autism, adhd, and ocd. These are my experiences, not everyone's are the same, so please keep that in mind before you comment.


End file.
